You Will Produce Who You Are

My friend Michael and I were chatting the other day in his living room as our kiddos ran wild all around us. Mike was telling me about a conversation he had with his friends about how to be a better father, and the convo drifted toward examples of fathers who were worth emulating.

What did they do to produce godly children?
How did they lead their families in a way that cultivated godliness, joy, and unity?
How can I be like them?

We went down the list of older kids we want our kids to be like and broke down what we knew about each father.

The fathers of these kids are some of the most godly men we know. They don’t just talk the talk; they walk the walk. They love the Lord, prioritize their wives, and are men of deep conviction. Simply put, they’re the real deal.

We came to a conclusion:

You will produce who you are.

You want a kid who is kind to the least of these? They’ll learn that by watching you do the same.

What about a young man who remains unfazed by the temptations of his teenage years? He learns to resist because his father models integrity and self-control.

A daughter who doesn’t go searching for love because she is secure in the love of her father? She’ll get that from you.

I’m all about books on fatherhood and podcasts that teach practical ways to be intentional with my kids. But at the end of the day, your character will be the greatest molder of your children’s hearts.

Resources are good, and taking my kids on intentional outings is a great idea, but if they see a disconnect between what I say and who I am, that’s only going to lead to confusion and mistrust.

One of the best dads I know put it this way:

“I’m not in a hurry with my parenting. I’ve got eighteen years with my kids, and if I prioritize a safe, warm home, a healthy family full of love, intentionality, and pursuit, and show them a father who loves the Lord with all his heart, I think they’ll turn out okay. It's like cooking a good brisket. Turn the heat on low, don’t rush the process, be patient, and let time have its way. More smoker. Less microwave. Actions over words.”

Men, let us focus on our character today, for we will produce who we are.

Discipleship plans, initiation ceremonies, and family vacations don’t mean a thing if your kids don’t enjoy being around you. In fact, your hypocrisy tends to push those you love the most further from Jesus instead of closer to him. And that’s the honest truth.

So much more is caught than taught, and we can see that in the ministry of Jesus. Lots of walks. Lots of dinners. Lots of relational connects. The thirty years he wasn’t in ministry were preparing him for the three years that he was.

If you concentrate on being more like Jesus in every area of your life, the result will be a better father. A better you is better for everyone.

Don’t overcomplicate it. Start with who you are becoming.

If you want to raise kids who love God, love people, and live with conviction, then become that kind of man. Let them see it in your daily life. Let them see it in how you treat their mom, how you handle stress, how you serve others, how you apologize when you're wrong, and how you chase after Jesus when no one’s watching.

Because at the end of the day, your kids aren’t just listening to your words; they’re watching your life.

And what they see in you is what they'll carry with them.

So become the man you hope your kids will become. Let God shape you, and trust that he’ll use your life to shape them.

Low and slow. One day at a time. That’s how good fathers, and good kids, are made.